How Long Will That Take?

I recently had a job where the person, I will call her Starfire, wanted the book edited in five weeks. This was not a big book, so I said sure. No problem--I could do it in 2-3. Then, Starfire told me she actually had a hard deadline of two weeks. She misunderstood something with her marketer and so there it was, could I still do it? Now, this made me a little nervous, but again, it was supposed to be the "final edit" so I agreed.

Beloved readers, please do not tell a freelancer that they are doing a final edit unless at least two other pairs of eyes, aside from your own have seen it. Now, there are some exceptions to this rule--many of these exceptions have PhDs from accredited universities and currently are involved in research. These people, because of their career choices, have to constantly self-edit and therefore a few read-thrus by them is actually about where I would expect a final edit.

For time comparisons, a final edit is quick and easy. If all I have to do is check spelling and grammar, I will get through a massive amount of book (even an entire book) in one day. I knew that this author needed more than that because she specifically asked me to check thematic issues, but even then, that does not mean complete rearranging and doing developmental rewriting. The same book that may take only a day to grammar check in a final edit, can take up to a week to proofread (final edit plus formatting), up to a month to do what I thought I was going to do--final edit plus a few comments to be fixed and then another quick edit and formatting. However, this book needed a lot of help. It needed what is called a developmental edit (read: it needed to be completely rewritten in parts: giant parts). [Note: these are the average times it takes me. Many good freelancers may require more time.]

What really amazes me is the number of teachers who use me to edit their book, and who have absolutely no idea about basic writing skills. At the same time, these are the people who are most likely to expect a quick turnaround for their "well-edited" work. No, you cannot use "can't" in formal writing. I can use "can't" in my writing because I know when and where it is acceptable to break the rules. You do not so you can't. (Did you see what I did there?) Yes, you must be consistent in your punctuation. (Where did you say you taught at?) No, you may not use spaces between paragraphs for the paperback version of the book. These rules should, in my opinion, be basic knowledge, but even our high school English teachers do not have a clue about these rules. (Hence my English teacher wall of shame.)

I have come to believe that high school teachers who are used to gazing at high school students' awful papers and blanking out most of the bad parts of these horrid things so that all their students do not have to completely rewrite or get an F. These teachers apparently think that this is similar to what an editor does, and since they can get through 30 kids' papers in one weekend, an editor should be able to do the same. There are editors like this (most of them probably are either only high school graduates or are actually High School English teachers who are editing on the side)--generally if you check an editor's samples you will see how many errors he or she will find. I average 70 per page or about 50 per page on some of the cleaner works that have been through the editing process. I am not going to skip anything from serial commas to dangling modifiers, but if I send you the work to accept/reject changes, and you reject most of my changes (including those involving dangling modifiers and the subjunctive case), the second time I go through it, I am not as thorough. Why? Because all of those errors would have already been caught and because I am not going to keep telling you to change something you do not want to change. Further, although I do leave comments sometimes concerning basic grammar rules you may have forgotten, you have paid me to edit--not to teach you English. It takes a lot of time to write out comments and I have no clue what you know (and it is just a typo) as opposed to what you don't know (although I am willing to be most English speakers neither know or understand the subjunctive case). It is always best to ask if you don't understand a change rather than outright reject it.

So, I got the work from Starfire and started reading it. The first chapter was a mess, but the message was coherent, and so I just rearranged a bit and cut a bit and made it into three chapters. It was at this point that I was informed her 150 page book had to be 300 pages so "please don't cut anything." Period.

Beloved readers, if you do not want me to cut giant sections out of your book--sections that are incoherent, sections that tell me your life story in a book that is not about your life, sections that explain in great detail about how to change the oil in your car in the middle of a book titled "Top Ten Celebrity Makeup Secrets"--then you have two options, (1) Do not put this stuff in your book; stick to the topic at hand; focus; make sense; or (2) Do not hire me. Sadly, no one who hires me even thinks that they may be the subject of my vandalism in the name of producing a good book. But, keep in mind that I have cut giant sections and rearranged entire books of some of those same PhD writers whom I would consider very good at their craft. What is the difference between them and the average Joe? For the most part the PhDs listen...for the most part.

So, after Starfire's chide about cutting things, what was I to do with the inconsistencies and incoherence? I told her to rewrite two chapters by herself instead of deleting it giant sections of it and trimming out the fat. Keep in mind that I did not come on board with knowledge of the problems in the book--it is rare to ever do this. The first chapter (the one you might see before you are hired) is ALWAYS the cleanest, most well-written piece of literature that an author can produce. It is like brushing your teeth before you go to the dentist.

The problem with having her rewrite it is that it took four of those precious few days I had to do the book. The other problem was that she then wanted to add three more sections in to other parts of the book because she was so worried about page count after fixing this section. At this time, there were then only 9 days left and 12 chapters to go through. I set to work. This time instead of hacking and slashing, I hacked, slashed and completely rewrote chapters all by myself. It took me three days to finish the entire book, and I knew I would not get very much time to fix anything else when she returned the book to me this time. But as I was approaching the last chapters, I discovered something unique. Whereas most of the chapters had pretty much continued on the same theme and style with slight variances here and there, the last two were out there. (1) I think she was trying to hard to finish at this point in her writing journey; and (2) she must not have read through the whole thing even though she said she had put it through several edits. Now, as for me editing, I was out of time, so I thought, hey, we don't need these chapters--CUT. :)

Of course it came back and she wanted me to specifically rewrite them, by myself. It had taken her four more days to accept and reject my changes this time. I had exactly two days left and now I had to rewrite these chapters on top of that. And I did, buuuuttttt--the problem was that she had yet again added in more content to the final chapters when I sent them to her. The last chapter (like most non-fiction last chapters) was a conclusion and yet she had now introduced an entirely NEW concept into this chapter!

Beloved readers, please finish your book before you send it to anyone to be edited. Yes, editing (especially the first developmental edit) means that your book is not really done, but I had almost finished editing. I had already edited that chapter in full and had no reason to go back through it except for my final editing sweep, which as I already said, I would not be checking developmental things carefully at all. But, although few people can write well on their own, even fewer understand the finer points of formatting and styles. She did not, of course, and so when she added this in, it stood out like a sore thumb as I glanced over the pages. (Again, see what I did there.) A new concept does not belong in the conclusion, but I had already done that part of the editing. So, that new concept only got checked for spelling and grammar--it was not as if she were taking many of my suggested cuts anyway. Even doing this, I still had to stay up most of the night to finish the job.

Beloved readers, if you feel you need to introduce an entirely new topic into a book, in the conclusion nonetheless, after the first phases of editing are completely done, do not do it. Write a sequel. Put all that other stuff I cut out that you love into that sequel. You have paid me (or some freelancer) to edit your book. We have done that. Imagine if you were a janitor, and you just finished mopping the floor and went to clock out. Then, your boss came up and threw eggs all over that floor you just mopped, came over to you and told you that you cannot clock out until you mop the floor and clean up the eggs. That is what you are doing to your editor. Even if you plan to pay extra money for this (which no one has ever offered), do you really think the janitor wants to go back and clean up your mess after he or she had just finished cleaning up the mess?

I can pretty much tell which books I work on have amazing potential to sell well (with the right marketing plan) and which books no amount of marketing is going to help. Some books I work on are poorly written, but (1) if I have not been paid to rewrite them in the entirety, I will not do it as a general rule (more because I have a schedule and deadlines and have not budgeted my time for this) and (2) even if you do pay me, I do not have the final say over the book--you do. No matter how many edits and changes I make to your book for the better, you can reject all of them if you like. Some people are like that--they want an editor to help them feel better and give them an "A" for C or D work. I am not a high school teacher. I home-schooled my kids until junior high, but I did not allow them to get away with that rubbish. My kids went to school and came home amazed at how much easier it was than the home-school I put them through as I polished my curriculum.

I, as you know if you have been following me for any length of time, am not a sugar-coating-it kind of girl. I will not do that. I am blunt and honest. I have read tens of thousands of books, and I know that as difficult as it is to break into traditional publishing, it is more difficult to write a New York Times best-selling, self-published book. Because selling self-published books is hard, I want to help you by turning your C or D work into A work. But I cannot do that if you will not let me, and I also cannot do that if you do not give me enough time to help you.

If you think you have a good book that is well-edited, you should always plan to have it edited at least a month before the release date or the date you need it to be finished per 100 pages. This gives your editor time to deal with any problems that may arise. I would only cite two weeks for it, but under certain circumstances it might take longer even if I cited that time. This jobs was one of those where I needed more time but did not have it. If you need a developmental edit, you should plan 3-6 months in advance. The freelancer must do the edit and return it to you and wait until you get it back to him or her before advancing to the next part or the next stage.

Warning!! Don't Throw Away Turbo Tax 2019 Home and Business Activation Code!!!

Warning: The Turbo Tax Software is seriously flawed this year (at least the CD for Home and Business). Once you have installed and set it up--after you have already begun to work on your taxes--it continues to ask you for the activation code randomly (after updates, I assume). I contacted them last week, but so far they haven't fixed the issue, which at best is annoying and at worst means you just flushed all the money you paid for it down the drain because if you lose that code you are pretty much screwed. Even registering the product does not link it to you in their database, which I have complained about, too. (Yeah, I know--that is totally dumb. Why do I want to register a product solely so they can solicit me?) I am very disappointed in the software this year because of this.

Update: Apparently you will run out of activation uses too!!!! Others have complained on their website about this but Turbo Tax is not listening or doing anything to resolve the problem. This apparently has been a known problem since December 2019. Once you run out of codes they had to create an account and re-download the software only to have more problems with the activation code. 

I will remove this post if they fix the problem. Otherwise, buyer beware.

Looks like this isn't the only way Turbo Tax is trying to screw users over even though their product is one of the most expensive on the market.

Who Is the Author?

Almost all freelancing today is ghostwriting of some sort--either ghostwriting through developmental editing or ghostwriting directly. Although there are still many traditional freelancing jobs, the immense number of freelancing projects that have flooded the market lately are done anonymously. Many freelancing contracts, including my own, explicitly state the rights pass to the employer and then mention that the project is a work-for-hire. I think this is why many employers begin to think they are the "author" of the work. This is not true. 

First, although my contract explicitly states the project is to be considered a work-for-hire in order to reassure my employers, it does not and cannot meet the definition of that term according to the copyright office guidelines. Because "work-for-hire" is kind of a misnomer, people assume it means that if I hire someone to write something for me, it belongs to me. The problem is, the "hire" part means you hire me--as a part-time or full-time employee and provide all the benefits including paying some of my social security taxes and withholding tax money for me. The term "work-for-hire" means that Disney or WebFX hires me and anything I write in the course of my job for them belongs to them--not me. You can also apply this to very specific works in the actual freelancing world, but these are not the types of works you are asked to write as a freelancer and in general they are works that would require multiple freelancers to put together simply because of their vast nature. 

Does that mean when you hire me you are going to get in trouble and you don't own the copyright. No--however, I can only say no for myself because I do require you to accept the terms of my contract before I will work for you. Many people see my long contract as something scary. In fact, it protects both me and my employer. My contract is a work-in-progress, but it specifically states that all rights to the work pass to my employer until the death of my employer. This statement, not the work-for-hire statement, gives my employer the right to do what he or she wants with my work without fear of me preventing them from doing so. It also prevents me from using the work again, except for samples. (The only reason I can use samples of the work is because this is another clause in my contract. The clause also states that I will not use samples of the work if the employer notifies me not to do so). 

But, the fact is that even if you are the copyright holder, you are not the author. Do you have to put my name on the work? No, actually you can't. Another clause in my contract prohibits this unless you have express written permission. You cannot use my name, likeness, etc. to promote or endorse your book (even though I wrote it). If you do this, then I automatically regain the copyright. This is the only way I can control who uses my image and my name. 

Technically, the only way you could acknowledge me and avoid "plagiarism" under the terms of my contract (without getting my written permission) is by stating the book was written by a ghostwriter without naming me (but no one does this) or you could publish it under a pen name that you only use for works created by me. 

My contract is relatively solid and designed to protect both me and you. If you hire Joe Smoe or Abrahim Ad-Abdul, and they don't have a contract with you, where does that put you? If you don't have a contract, the author owns the copyright on production of the work. If you don't have a contract, that copyright is not passed to you. The thing is that Joe and Abrahim probably don't realize this. They probably think you have the copyright to their work simply because you paid them. You could also probably make the case that you own the work if they stated somewhere in writing to you that you would own all the rights as long as you have a copy of that statement and can prove they wrote the statement. But chances are good even without a contract Joe and Abrahim are not going to come after you and try to prevent you from publishing their stuff. You paid them after all.

The only time you would be in trouble without a contract is the rare chance that your book becomes a New York Times Best Seller. If you are making millions of dollars off of something you paid $75 to get, and you don't have a contract, and the author finds out you are making millions of dollars off that work, the author could technically sue you for that money or a portion of it. 

There is one other time where you could be in trouble hiring a ghostwriter and not attributing the actual author. This is in the academic realm. It happens. I have written scientific papers based on research provided to me by my employer. These were then published in academic journals--without my name. In fact, I was never even asked if I would like my name included. The chances of anyone finding out are close to 0%. I am not going to tell, and I doubt the attributed author(s) would tell. But if a fellow academic finds out you are having your papers ghostwritten and you are not at least attributing the real author, you face the chance of losing your job. The irony is that adding an extra person on the author list is generally not something frowned upon. So, if you ask someone to ghostwrite your academic journal submission, ask them if you can use their name to keep yourself fully covered. Again, holding the copyright to something and being the author are two different things. 

Another one for the English Teacher Wall of Shame

How do these people get jobs teaching? This is a direct quote from my daughter's English teacher:

"and suffered prejudice and discrimmination."

I got it--you are in a hurry and jot off a quick note without checking it. But misspelled words are now underlined in red by every browser I have seen. 

This woman has also told her class that a work of fiction is "semi-autobiographical" even though it contains this quote on the copyright page:

"The characters and events portrayed in this book are fictitious. Any similarities to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author."  <facepalm>

Memoirs do not belong in the autobiography sub-genre in my opinion. They border on the fictional side of life. They get away with it by claiming to be "the author's view." Frequently, they are called out for the facts they present that do not stand up to fact checking and even for complete fabrication. We lap them up along with the false reality TV shows and documentaries and amaze ourselves at how something so out there is true. As the old adage says--"if it seems too good to be true, it probably isn't true." Adjusted, I would say "If it seems too entertaining to be true, it probably isn't true."

I say this as someone whose grandmother fully believes I should turn my life into a reality show. Then she says no one would believe it is true, though. I walk into a store for something quick, get in line and the lady in front of me discovers she grabbed the wrong item for her 50 cent coupon. She proceeds to run all the way to the back of the superstore to find the correct item and then returns with it while the rest of us are still waiting. Then she pulls out her checkbook--she has not been writing her check while the checker was ringing things up. She just starts when the checker pushes "total". Finally, I step up, the checker swipes my one item and discovers she has run completely out of receipt tape. She does not have an extra roll ready in anticipation of this moment, but has to send to the office to get one. True story--and it would be believable if it happened once, I suppose. The problem is that it happens all the time to me. While it is happening, I usually explain to the people around me that if they see me in line again, they should probably pick another line. My husband after 20 years no longer believes me when I say I just need to run in and get something and it won't take more than five minutes. 

Nobody would read a boring story-true or false. It is our job as writers to make each story we tell (non-fiction or fiction) believable and interesting. How many times have you seen a negative Amazon review about a fiction book that wasn't believable? The problem comes when an English teacher tells her class a fiction work is semi-true just because it is believable. If as an author I write something that is close enough to fact that I deem it a true story, I am not going to market it as fiction. 

The term "semi-autobiographical" exists, but the problem is that it has no definition--nor could it. All works of fiction are in some ways semi-autobiographical. Writers create stories and characters based on what they know. By the looseness of the term, semi-autobiographical means anything that is currently classified as fiction. In a society that already enjoys blurring the line between fact and fiction, this is unhelpful. Academia has flagged Dickens as writing many "semi-autobiographical" works that are nothing more than well-researched, believable fiction.

For example, I am currently ghostwriting a fiction book in which the main character is entered into a speech-writing contest by her professor. The person who is the author had originally planned for her to write a literary analysis paper that was entered in the contest, but I changed it because speech class better fit the story. I also gave her a job in a grocery store. Is this ghostwritten work of fiction that will not even bear my name now "semi-autobiographical"? After all, a teacher DID enter me into a speech writing contest when I was in high school, and I had a job in a grocery store. In fact, the layout of the grocery store in the novel is similar to the one in which I worked.  By the current definitions, if someone found this out in the future (and discovered that I had ghostwritten this book) they could claim it was. But my experiences, which are not truly related in the novel--but, as Dickens would say, "are written in the way I wanted them to happen--" are not something I would consider autobiographical at all. If Dickens himself admitted that the things in his books were not really how they happened, and if further research has shown these things in his books are not true, then why do we keep insisting his works are "semi-autobiographical" works? All the best fiction is based on life. That does not make it non-fiction. 

As authors, we all have a responsibility to honestly inform our readers whether we are writing fact or fiction. Readers, including those in academia, have the responsibility of believing us.

The broken computer blues

My keyboard broke (in case you didn't tell some of my posts have an odd w or two). I am in the middle of a few projects, it will take an entire week to have it fixed while they wait for parts, and I hate using my husband's computer because "shift" is in the wrong place on the right side and I hit all sorts of other keys when I try to use it (and of course I use that shift the most even though my typing teacher would be vastly disappointed in me for not switching sides), so I have not taken mine in yet. Sad, I know.

I cut and paste every single "w" I type (including that one). I touch type, so normally this doesn't slow me down too much, but the problem comes when I paste a formatted w into a document that is formatted differently ( I try to copy only unformatted ones). Or problems arise when I cut and paste other things and forget to copy the "w" when I am through. Then I can end up having to hit ctrl z and spend time copying and pasting an actual "w" into the text. 

I also cannot use my "2" or "at" (sorry, I don't want to switch out my "w" for that symbol and then have to copy the "w" again). The 2 on my numeric pad works, though, so I can use that as long as I don't forget. 

I could, of course, plug in an alternate keyboard, but as I already said, I touch type. That means I need to have the same keyboard or spend a lot of time getting used to a new one. Apparently the people who design computers do not take this into account as they create thousands of differently designed keyboards. I would have so many mistake key hits I don't think it would make it any quicker than the cut and paste I am now doing. 

I did finally spend the day it took to back up my computer, but my plan to take the computer in this week failed. I have had three unexpected appointments come up and one was a meeting with my Congressional representative that required me to give a PowerPoint--something I did not want to attempt on my husband's computer. So, if all goes well, I will deposit my computer at the repair shop on Monday and get it back by Friday--next week. Since I rely on my computer for income, losing it for that long is not something I am looking forward to doing.

UPDATE: It took three trips to the computer repair shop to finally get my computer fixed. After a week of waiting, I got home to discover my j key was no longer working and neither was my DVD drive (something I need). The DVD drive was fixed and I got home only to discover I could no longer use my keyboard at all. That third time, I was like look, I need my whole computer to work when you give it back to me. Please check to make sure it is fully functional before you give it back. Now, I am happy again, although my "o" is finicky, but I can live with that more than I can live without my source of income.