Why ChatGPT Is Not a Writing Tool

I have actually had people tell me ChatGPT is a great story writing tool (among other things). So, I decided to give it the writing prompt I came up with as an example for another post: "Write a 1,500 word story about two raccoons who go into a restaurant." The first thing you should note is that I asked for a "story" and ChatGPT gave me an essay--and it knows that is what it gives me because it says so in the first paragraph. This is the unedited response it gave me: 

Title: The Tale of Two Raccoons: An Unlikely Restaurant Encounter

Introduction

In the world of storytelling, some scenarios stretch the bounds of imagination and reality, and the tale of two raccoons walking into a restaurant is one such imaginative adventure. This whimsical scenario, while far from ordinary, invites a deeper exploration into themes of curiosity, adaptation, and the unexpected intersections of nature and human environments. This essay delves into the narrative of these two raccoons as they navigate a human establishment, shedding light on both the humor and the underlying commentary of this unusual situation.

Setting the Scene

Imagine a cozy restaurant nestled in a bustling city, a place where the aroma of gourmet dishes mingles with the soft hum of conversation and clinking cutlery. The establishment prides itself on its welcoming atmosphere and diverse clientele. It is here, in this very restaurant, that our story begins. As the door swings open, two raccoons enter, their striped tails and masked faces standing out starkly against the backdrop of fine dining. The sight of these nocturnal creatures in a human eatery is both surreal and intriguing, challenging the boundaries of normalcy and inviting both the patrons and the staff into a moment of peculiar wonder.

The Raccoons' Perspective

From the raccoons' perspective, this restaurant is a realm of sensory overload. The interior, with its polished wooden tables and ambient lighting, contrasts sharply with their natural habitat—forest floors and urban alleyways. The raccoons, driven by their inquisitive nature and innate intelligence, exhibit a mixture of curiosity and caution. Their heightened senses of smell and hearing pick up on the rich tapestry of scents and sounds, making the restaurant a new and exciting landscape to explore.

The raccoons approach the tables with an almost deliberate intent. Their nimble paws, accustomed to foraging and manipulating objects, now encounter an array of human artifacts. They are particularly intrigued by the plates and utensils, which seem to offer a tantalizing array of new textures and shapes. This interaction highlights the raccoons' adaptability and problem-solving skills, as they attempt to understand and engage with their unfamiliar surroundings.

The Restaurant's Reaction

The reaction of the restaurant staff and patrons is one of initial shock, followed by a mix of amusement and bemusement. The sight of raccoons—creatures typically associated with trash cans and night-time scavenging—inside a refined dining setting is unexpected and surreal. The staff, caught off guard, initially responds with a blend of confusion and concern, unsure of how to address the situation without disrupting the dining experience for other guests.

One might imagine the restaurant manager, a composed and professional individual, momentarily grappling with the situation before deciding on a course of action. The manager's response may involve a delicate balance of diplomacy and practicality. Efforts might be made to gently guide the raccoons outside, all while maintaining the dignity of the establishment and ensuring that the patrons remain entertained rather than distressed by the unusual visitors.

Interactions with Humans

As the raccoons continue their exploration, their interactions with the humans in the restaurant become a focal point of the narrative. Children, ever the enthusiasts of animal encounters, might be particularly enchanted by the sight of the raccoons. Their innocent wonder contrasts sharply with the more reserved reactions of adults, who may react with a mix of fascination and skepticism.

Some patrons might view the raccoons' presence as a delightful anomaly, a story to share and remember. Others, however, might find the situation unsettling, reflecting a broader theme of how human societies often struggle with the intrusion of the wild into their carefully curated spaces. This tension between nature and civilization becomes a subtle undercurrent in the narrative, highlighting the delicate balance that exists between human environments and the natural world.

Symbolism and Themes

The encounter of the two raccoons in the restaurant serves as a rich symbol for several broader themes. One prominent theme is the idea of curiosity and exploration. The raccoons' foray into an unfamiliar environment represents the innate drive to discover and understand the world beyond one's usual boundaries. Their behavior reflects a broader human tendency to seek out new experiences and challenges, often leading to moments of unexpected discovery and growth.

Another theme is the interaction between nature and human civilization. The raccoons' intrusion into the restaurant symbolizes the frequent encroachment of wildlife into human spaces, a phenomenon driven by various factors such as urban expansion and environmental change. This encounter prompts reflection on the impact of human activities on wildlife and the need for greater coexistence and understanding between the two realms.

Conclusion

The tale of the two raccoons walking into a restaurant, while fanciful and humorous, offers a nuanced reflection on curiosity, adaptation, and the intersection of human and natural worlds. It challenges our perceptions of normalcy and invites us to consider the broader implications of such unusual encounters. Through the lens of this whimsical scenario, we gain insight into the complexities of interaction between different species and the delicate balance that must be maintained to ensure harmony between human environments and the natural world. In the end, this narrative not only entertains but also encourages a deeper appreciation for the unexpected moments that arise when nature and civilization converge.

Word Count: 873

This essay was not what I was looking for or expecting. However, upon reading it, I can tell it was definitely written by an unimaginative computer (or perhaps a really bad writer). I also question that if real world raccoons walked into a real world establishment that everyone would be bemusedly watching them. I picture a lot of screaming and running--even on the part of the staff. Does ChatGPT realize these things carry diseases? Further, it is just over half the word count I requested, which means there needs to be a lot of fluff added that will make the story even worse. 

This should just be scrapped and rewritten by a human because most of this is just garbage and repetitive drivel. However, I edited the first few paragraphs so you can see what is wrong: 

Introduction

In the world of storytelling, some scenarios stretch the bounds of imagination and reality, and the tale of two raccoons walking into a restaurant stretches the bounds of realityis one such imaginative adventure. Although the original scenario does stretch the bounds of imagination as well as reality, the realistic scenario ChatGPT spit out does not stretch the bounds of imagination--someone could easily leave a door propped open and two raccoons, smelling food could walk inside. This whimsical scenario while far from ordinary,  redundant with "whimsical" invites a deeper exploration into themes of curiosity, adaptation, and the unexpected intersections of nature and human environments. This essay delves into those topicshe narrative of these two raccoons as they navigate a human establishment, shedding light on both the humor and the underlying commentary of this unusual situation. I could not find the theme of "adaptation" below. I think ChatGPT believes a manager shooing raccoons out is "adaptive" but learning to live with raccoons in his restaurant would be more fitting of that subject. Note that this paragraph went from 84 words to 45. 

Setting the Scene

Imagine that nestled in the heart of a bustling city there exists a cozy restaurant nestled in a bustling city, a place where the aroma of gourmet dishes mingles with the soft hum of conversation and clinking cutlery. This is a common typographical error--a misplaced modifier. By placing "city" right before "a place where the aroma of..." it is the city and not the restaurant that is being described grammatically, which is confusing. The establishment prides itself on its welcoming atmosphere and diverse clientele. It is here, in this very restaurant, that our story begins. As a waiter stands holding the door open and saying goodbye to one of the regularsthe door swings open, two raccoons enter, their striped tails and masked faces standing out starkly against the backdrop of fine dining. This is the furthest ChatGPT can apparently reach with imagination. The rest of this piece treats the raccoons as if they are real and the scenario is real, but here we have the door swinging open and have to ask--does it swing open on its own or are the raccoons swinging it open or is perhaps a doorman opening the door for them? This is an important question to resolve and by not resolving it, ChatGPT is doing what it is well-known to do, writing fluff without substance. The sight of these nocturnal creatures in a human eatery is both surreal and intriguing, challenging the boundaries of normalcy and inviting both the patrons and the staff into a moment of peculiar wonder. There are several things wrong here. In one sentence, we have three words/phrases that mean "bizarre:" "surreal," "challenging the boundaries of normalcy," and "peculiar." Without a thesaurus, this would read: "The sight of these...creatures is both bizarre and intriguing, bizarre and inviting [those in the restaurant] into a moment of bizarre wonder." I also do not picture anyone having a moment of "peculiar wonder" if two raccoons walk in--"terror" would probably be more appropriate. Most people should realize that two raccoons can be dangerous. They bite and carry a lot of diseases. 

The Raccoons' Perspective

From the raccoons' perspective, this restaurant is a realm of sensory overload. The interior, with its polished wooden linen-tableclothed tables to hide under and ambient lighting, contrasts sharply with on first glance is similar to their natural habitat—forest floors and urban alleyways. So, the problem is that a dimly lit diner and a dimly lit alleyway are similar--not contrasting. Polished wooden tables would also be similar to a stand of small trees in a forest--but you would not have polished wooden tables in a fine dining establishment as a general rule--the tables would be clothed in fine linen (hence why they were traditionally known as "white tablecloth restaurants"). It has pointed out similarities between the fine dining establishment and alleyway while stating the environments contrast. Further, if two raccoons are walking into a place that serves "gourmet dishes" it is most likely this diner is in the city and not in some country dive--so the raccoons would have no knowledge of "forest floors." Since the first sentence set up a contrast, it is important to recognize the comparison and spring into the contrast from that: Their heightened senses of smell and hearing pick up on the rich tapestry of scents and sounds, making the restaurant a new and exciting landscape to explore. The contrasts between a climate-controlled, busy restaurant and an alleyway would also be in the number of people and tables filling the space. The raccoons, are driven inside by their inquisitive nature, hunger, and innate intelligence, exhibit a mixture of curiosity and caution. Again, we see redundancy-- "inquisitive nature" and "curiosity." If they were cautious, they would not have entered. Their heightened senses of smell and hearing pick up on the rich tapestry of scents and sounds, making the restaurant a new and exciting landscape to explore. It is necessary to move this sentence to create some contrast after saying we were doing that.

The raccoons approach the nearest unoccupied tables with an almost deliberate intent. After telling us they approach the tables, we get "almost deliberate." Either they are approaching mindlessly because they have rabies or they are doing it deliberately. There is no "almost" deliberate. It is also important that the reader know these tables do not have people at them. If two raccoons are approaching tables with people at them, there is something seriously wrong with them (read: rabies). TAfter climbing on one, their nimble paws, accustomed to foraging and manipulating objects like trash can lids, now encounter an array of human artifacts. They are particularly intrigued by the plates and utensils, which seem to offer a tantalizing array of new textures and shapes. Once again, ChatGPT is unfamiliar with texture of plates and silverware. Both are smooth, so by saying their is a contrast in textures, without describing what has a different texture and why, is confusing. Further, I would think a raccoon would be more interested in the foods than in empty plates. ChatGPT also makes a common new writer error by having the raccoons approach the tables but then not explain that they move to the table tops before talking about them playing with stuff on top of them. Some steps can be generalized or skipped, but in this case we go from approaching tables to playing with cutlery and that jump is a bit too far.--This interaction highlights the raccoons' adaptability and problem-solving skills, as they attempt to understand and engage with their unfamiliar surroundings. What adaptability? What problem solving? They are playing with things in their environment just as they always do. That does not show adaptation nor is there any problem solving involved. 

As you can see, it is quite a slog to fix. In most cases, slogging through reduces the word count by half. However, I wonder how many teachers are accepting this drivel as good work? I already see many websites with garbage articles like this that say nothing, really. 

I know, you are thinking, "Oh, yeah? Do you think you can do any better?" So, after getting the awful results above, I put an original short story on Amazon. Feel free to critique it at will.

Bad Jobs 1

 I thought I had already started a series like this, but I can't seem to find it anywhere. If I do, I will change the name. 

Wanted: Someone to manage our LinkedIn content, do in-depth analysis and research industry trends, and respond to comments. Will pay $2-3 per hour. 

Keep in mind that people hired through contracts (at least in the US) have to pay their own taxes, which usually amounts to half my yearly earnings. We also have to have our own insurance, own retirement, as well as pay business expenses--yes, having a working, updated computer and an internet connection is expensive. We also occasionally have to pay for data loss recovery. 

I usually burn through a computer every 2-3 years. I have to replace my laptop keyboards every year (except on this Dell--it lasts about 2 years). 

Before posting a job, find out how much a person doing that job would make per hour. (This might require some math and an Internet search that doesn't involve Google's AI.) If you can't afford to pay that person, you probably are not going to be able to find a top notch freelancer. Why pretend? The person who posted this, whose project description is clearly looking for the cream of the crop, so far has only collected bids from people whose profiles are less than impressive. One of them hints s/he has a team of content creators using ChatGPT to create work. If you want ChatGPT content--just use it yourself.

The other problem with hiring someone at such a low price is that you may end up with a freelancer who is milking the clock just to get by. There will inevitably be solid freelancers who bid on something like this (usually one or two), but these people will also be asking for a lot more than $2-3 per hour to build your brand on LinkedIn. Unfortunately, if you don't have the time or ability to put in and do it yourself, you have to pay.

I understand it is hard to start a marketing campaign, but at the same time, if you aren't going to do it right, why waste the time and money?

What to Look for in a Freelancer

Posts looking for low-cost freelancers to write books are numerous. Everyone seems to think that they can pay peanuts and make millions. There are many YouTubers and bloggers promoting this pipe dream. "Buy my book, and it will tell you exactly how to make millions without doing anything." 

The problem is that most people can't write books that other people want to read. There will always be a small population that will buy anything. That small number of people who buy your poorly written book will only get you bad reviews. That will lead to no one else buying your book. I would guess the average person who posts a poorly written book on Amazon or some other platform makes about $10 total for their effort. 

Don't get me wrong--marketing, pricing, and many other things go into the complex web of making money off any publication, but the heart of the matter is that nothing else will help a poorly written book.

I understand that some people can't afford to pay 0.05-0.10 per word (or more depending on the caliber and experience of the freelancer). This is the other big problem with a "selling e-books to get rich" scheme. Can these people, who can't afford a decent author afford to pay 0.01 per word or more to have a ChatGPT garbage book or a poorly written book fixed? Probably not, but no one can afford a slat of negative reviews about his/her book. This sinks your ranking on Amazon because you will eventually stop getting any reviews for that product. 

A well-written book, however, can promote other books that you have to offer. A good book, that you promote properly, is better advertising for your next book than any other advertising. This is why authors at a professional level should put out a new book at regular intervals. 

So, what do you do if you can't hire quality? Your best chance is to find a really good writer who is new and trying to build a profile. Whether you are a freelancer or an employer here are some pointers:

1. ChatGPT will never--even at the paid level--give you a satisfying book. Plus, the likelihood your book is plagiarized at least in part is high.
2. Look at writing samples. A good freelancer, even when starting out, will have some samples they can offer. If a freelancer has never written anything before, paid or otherwise, that is not the person you want to hire. 
3. You can pay for a sample--I recommend $30 for a 1500 word sample. The only time you need to ask for a sample should be if you did not see samples that met your exact criteria or you want to ensure the sample is written by the freelancer. If you request a sample, give a one-scene premise i.e., write a 1500 word sample for me about two raccoons that walk into a restaurant and ask to be served. Judge based on project perimeters being met--did they write about what you asked? If they wrote about something else, they either struggle with instructions, are not very creative, or they used a sample from something else (it might even be plagiarized). Did the story make sense? If the story needs explanation to make sense to you (even if they followed the premise), the freelancer isn't a good writer. A good writer should be able to get his/her ideas across without explanation. Did they follow grammar rules? It is true some grammar rules are flexible. As long as a person is consistent about serial comma usage, for example, that is the important thing--not whether they use them or not. However, other rules are not flexible. If the person uses run-on sentences, comma splices, or incomplete sentences (without justification), those are warning flags to stay away. How close to the 1500 words were they? It would be difficult to write a creative story and hit exactly 1500 words. However, a person who writes 1000 words will probably give you less than you want and someone who writes 2500 will give you more. More is not necessarily good and less is not necessarily bad, but if you felt the story was too quick and find out it was short or if it dragged on and was long, you might want to consider someone else. How much "fluff" is in the story? Fluff is used be poor authors to meet word counts or make their writing longer than necessary. There are two types. First, there is redundancy and repetition. For example, "The big, huge, large skyscraper loomed in the far distance." "She walked up the sidewalk to the home. She ambled along slowly." Another type of fluff can be intentional or unintentional. This is when a person writes overly wordy sentences. "There is a current situation in which many people who live in our society today seem to have a preference for reading stories about zombies." This could convey the same meaning by saying: "Currently, many people prefer to read zombie stories." The text goes from 25 words to 8 and the readability is greatly improved. Authors frequently and unintentionally do this (especially people who are trying to sound more knowledgeable and academic). However, every author, especially one submitting a sample, should proofread their work and catch this. 
4. Things you are looking for in any sample: (1) Consistent use of viewpoint. Switching from first person to third person (or second person) is not acceptable. (2) Consistent use of tense. I cannot tell you how many freelancers have samples posted on their profiles where they flip tenses throughout the first few paragraphs. (3) Consistent use of grammar rules. Again, there are many freelancers who don't know what a sentence is or who haven't proofread their samples. (4) Story coherence. If the story starts out with a teenage viewpoint and then the same character develops and adult viewpoint, there are coherence issues. If the story says it takes place in 1700 and talks about getting in a car, again there are coherence issues. (4) Genre confusion. The biggest area where this takes place is usually between romance/erotica. Few books, even erotica, open in the middle of a sex scene. Fantasy/Science fiction is another area of confusion. Some people think they are writing fantasy because their science fiction novel has fantasy type aliens, but it isn't. Even George Lucas got a little confused on this because he felt adding the "force" into Star Wars made it a "Science fantasy." Science fiction--is fictional science. It has the veneer of being scientific, but it contains many fictional (fantasy) elements--instant matter teleportation (which defies relativity), artificial gravity without inertia, etc. 
5. The most obvious warning signs are: (1) The samples posted do not match the job you want or are not relevant. For example, a person with only graphic design samples or transcription samples is not a writer. A person who sends you a sample that is a product description when you are looking for a fiction writer or who instead of writing about raccoons writes about aliens either doesn't understand the project or isn't experienced in it. (2) they send you a proposal filled iwth typos and without punctuationor capitalization (Yes, that was on purpose.) If someone doesn't take the time to proofread their proposal or really care about it, you can expect that they won't really care about their work, either. (3) They want upfront payments when you are using either Guru SafePay or the equivalent on Upwork. Unless there is an upfront cost, such as for non-computer artwork, there is no reason for someone to ask for money upfront unless they are not planning on doing a good enough job to collect later. It is completely reasonable for a freelancer to ask you to put the project cost in escrow with Guru or Upwork prior to beginning work. The freelancer does not have access to these funds. (4) The freelancer has a lot of low ratings. What is a lot? That depends on the website. On Amazon, for example, I don't buy from anyone who has lower than 97% positive feedback. On Guru, most freelancers have 99% or higher. If someone does not yet have a rating, make sure it is because they have not yet worked. If they are new, you need to rely more heavily on their samples and references if they have any. You can also do a check online and see if you can find reviews on other websites

You can hire a decent, new freelancer on a budget. Do not expect miracles and be prepared to have someone proofread his/her work.